Ask Sasuke!
by Corpse Flower
Summary: Your favourite Agony Uncle may be busy killing brothers, crushing villages and breaking hearts, but I'm sure he can spare a few minutes to answer your most depressing worries. better summary inside
1. Chapter 1

Ask Sasuke

Ask Sasuke

Send all your problems to Sasuke Uchiha! All though he may be busy after finding out the truth about his brother, crushing Konoha etc. etc…I am SURE he will be more than happy to sort out YOUR problems. Please send your emails to your FAVOURITE Agony Uncle, Sasuke Uchiha!

_A.N: Put your notices in Reviews, and Sasuke will answer them for you ___


	2. Of Revenge and Bullies

1

_Question for you, Sasuke. Does revenge seriously make anything better? Also  
what would you do if someone was picking on you? XD – AllyannaNinjaOfKonoha._

Dear AllyannyNinjaOfWhatsit.

Before I start, I'd ask you a question. Is that _really _your name? Who's name is AllyAnny? Maybe I'm wrong. Yeah…

Anyway. YES REVENGE MAKES EVERYTHING ING BETTER!! Well, I thought it did. But I advise you _not _to do what I did to my brother if you're planning it…I came home with several bruises and a Chinese burn D but, you know…I don't want to get sued! Just don't try it at home, okay?

And what would I do if someone was picking on _me…_well, they wouldn't be picking on _me _for a start. But this is about you, not me. So…

I'd ignore them. All the time. And if they come near you, just walk away from them. They're not worth it! Don't sit and let them pick on you. Or, if they're your friend, maybe they aren't worth the friendship? You should get better friends, branch out a bit. I'm sure that if you are being picked on, your friends will help you out, no?

Keep reviewing if I can do anything else!

_Love Sasuke ___


	3. Of Lemons and Llamas

oh my gosh this is just too brilliant,

_oh my gosh this is just too brilliant,  
hey sasuke :D  
i'm jesst or rather charlie (long story..)  
and i was just like wondering..  
how do you feel about people writing dodgy lemon drenched fics with you in?  
oh and what would you do about it?  
i ask because my friend put me in her story and made me llama that was in  
love with james potter O.o  
yeah  
looking forward to hearing from you sassy!  
xD_

gosh this is brilliant  
xx

**Dear Charlie.**

**Long story, huh? **

**Hm…lemon drenched fics?**

**Some are cool. (clozetperve) Maybe not the Sakura or the Naruto ones O.O but ones with hot chicks I barely know. But if I found the culprits of Yaoi fics or stuff…¬.¬**

**I look forward to hearing this James Potter story. And the llama…they don't have those where I come from.**

**Thank you for messaging Charlie ******

**Sasuke x**


	4. Of Haters and 'Advice'

Dear Sasuke

_Dear Sasuke_

_Do you know the lengths to which Itachi went to protect Konoha?  
The circumstances that forced him to kill his clan? You have too, Madara  
Uchiha told you already, but to the point. Why are you such a ninja? I  
mean, #1: You've got two hot pieces of on your team (i.e. Sakura and  
Naruto). Now I assume that you're still a human male, no matter many times  
you've played pass the butter with Orochimaru, so I suggest you stop this  
and go back to the Leaf before I take both of them. #2: Destroy the Leaf  
Village? Did you really say that? I know you did, but I just want you to  
absorb that. You hear the magnificent story of Itachi Uchiha, and decide to  
attack the place he gave his life and killed his family to protect...wow...you  
are one stupid ._

_Byakuganwalker_

**Dear Byakuganwalker,**

**Yes, I do know the lengths in which Itachi went to protect Konoha. The circumstances which forced him to kill the clan are the exact reasons I am killing Konoha. And I am not 'destroying' Konoha as such. I'm merely killing the elders who enforced this dreaded task upon Itachi, and I will kill anyone who gets in my way. Implying that I am a ninja, could you do any better?**

**Maybe you ought to look deeper into the matter, Byakuganwalker. I played pass the butter with no one; I was simply growing stronger so I could kill Itachi. If I knew about the inside matters, I would've never intended on killing him, but gone straight to the elders. I had no intention of giving my body to Orochimaru, hence the reason I killed him. **

**I did say that I would destroy Konoha, admittedly. But reasons as to why Itachi killed the clan are all because of Konoha. I have stronger ninja on my team, and different motives from now.**

**Thank you, **

**Sasuke.**


	5. Of Dislodging a Stick

Dear sir Emo

_Dear sir Emo.  
_

_  
Of all the hair styles in the world, why did you choose the one that looks  
like the back end of a duck?  
_

_  
Oh, and if Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers and a peck of Pickled  
Peppers Peter Piper Picked, if Peter Piper really did pick a peck of Pickled  
Peppers, How much money would it take to make you sing Dirty Pop from N'Sync?  
_

_  
P.S: Dislodging that stick would make you far less irritable _

_Zero Sakura Cross_

**Dear Zero Sakura Cross,**

**Of all the hairstyles in the world, I chose the one that grew to my head from birth, comprendi?**

**And if Peter Piper picker a peck of pickled peppers and a peck of Pickled Pepers Peter Piper picked, if Peter Piper really did pick a peck of Pickled Peppers, there would be **_**no **_**amount of money in the world that would make me sing that song. **

**Dislodging that stick? You'll need to dislodge it from your forehead when I stick it in your skull. **

**Thank you,**

**Sasuke.**


	6. Of Gymnastics and Worries

Hey Sasuke

_Hey Sasuke...  
I have this friend that does Gymnastics with me and she says she wants to  
quit even though she loves Gymnastics. I have given her some advice but she  
still wants to quit. Since i can't picture my life without Gymnastics, i have  
no idea what to do. Should i let her quit the very thing she loves the most or  
should i stop her?  
From, Lina  
P.S What is your opinion on SasuSaku fics?_

**Dear Lina,**

**About time, a nice, self introductory question! Thank you, Lina.**

**If gymnastics is the sport that you love, you should keep on doing it! I can understand why your friend doesn't want to do it. Maybe because she isn't very good, or she isn't into prancing around or bending herself backwards. Don't let it bother you, though. You should never take your friends pathways. Follow your own. If she wants to quit, let her. But you shouldn't stop! No way. **

**SasuSaku…hm. No thank you. Period.**

**Thank you,**

**Sasuke.**


	7. Of Disdain and Ressurection

Good God

_Good God. I can't believe I just got an intelligent civil response from Sasuke  
Uchiha. Perhaps you're a little more tolerable than I thought. Maybe we can  
make this a conversation that doesn't end in expletives being shouted. Most of  
which begin with the letter "F".  
_

_  
So, if you express such disdain for Sakura, but wish to resurrect your clan,  
who's gonna be the mother? I mean, in theory, it could be Naruto (and quite  
honestly, I could see that because you two made of in class on the FIRST  
FRIGGIN EPISODE) in sexy jutsu, but I don't know if that jutsu is more  
ninjutsu than genjutsu. But if it was, than Naruto's physiology would  
change...hm...  
_

_  
One more thing, you and Karin...never mind...  
_

_  
P-E-A-C-E._

_ByakuganWalker_

**ByakuganWalker,**

**It's interesting to see how you think. But don't you understand; Episode one was a **_**total accident**_**. Even if it was the most embarrassing thing that could happen. **

**I'm glad that you understand my response. You are an intelligent civilised person also, but you see, I am but sixteen. I don't plan on resurrecting my clan any time soon. Sakura, Karin, and most importantly **_**Naruto **_**are not on my list, at the moment anyway. Hence **_**screw Konoha**_**.**

**Thank you, **

**Sasuke. **


	8. Of James Potter and Charlie

Okay, this is more a tirade at 'Charlie':

_Okay, this is more a tirade at 'Charlie':_

I DID NOT!!

Yes, okay, you were a llama in the story, but you were NOT in love with James  
Potter!!

James Potter just happened to have a llama whose name was Jessanthemum.

READ THE STORY, Charlie, and get your facts straight.

Okay, yeah...

OH! AND IT IS NOT A LEMONDRENCHED FIC!! Well... not really/... I'VE WRITTEN  
WORSE!

Rant over. Enjoying the story!

**Hello, Charlie's friend. **

**Oh? I'm most sad to hear that I wasn't the llama (not). Well. I would happily read the story I'm sure; you'll have to link it to me. **

**And…I'm also glad to hear I was not parcipitating in any lemony fics with that of James Potter.**

**Thank you,**

**Sasuke. **


	9. Of Fangirls and Emo

hey Sasuke,

_Hey Sasuke,  
to start with, you were driven by anger, and tried desperately to kill itachi  
without thinking, come on, he kills an entire clan just to test his  
abilities?? I knew there was something wrong from the beginning and i  
couldn't tell you , if you know what i mean...And, if itachi wanted to kill  
the elders, he would have done that after/before/without killing the clan!  
Well, i'm sure itachi wouldn't be happy if you kill the elders...lets asukme  
that u will make it, then what? search for a fangirl to rebuild the clan?  
that's a great life (NOT!)..and i seriously wish that you return back to your  
old self and that this troublesome series ends without the death of any of you  
3 or ends happily anyway..  
_

_  
PS: I'm starting to be a loner, like hard rock, and sad music, am i turning  
emo?!omg  
_

_  
thank you,  
Salma93_

**Dear Salma93,**

**This is hard to answer…you like to talk a lot? So, let's start with Itachi…gee that's an original subject…I hate having to repeat the same thing **_**several **_**times…**

**No, Itachi **_**didn't**_ **kill the clan to test his abilities. That was a lie to waver me from the truth. Would you tell your little brother of the real reason, if you knew that he would probably tell the whole village? Because that's what I would of done. And then Itachi wouldn't have been killed by me. He killed the clan because they were his **_**orders**_** from the elders, who deserve to be killed exactly because of what they ordered Itachi to do. And **_**I'm **_**sure that Itachi would be very pleased to know that I have killed them. It wasn't Itachi that killed the clan; it was the Elders. **

**I have no idea who will be the vessel for my heir. I am sixteen; an age that doesn't need provoking with the horrors of childbirth and unwanted love, not at the minute. **

**And about your PS…**_**why**_**are you becoming a loner? Do you act this way because you are bullied, or because you**_** want **_**to be like this? I think there is more the word "emo" than just "emotional", and being lonely.**

**Thank you, **

**Love, Sasuke x**


End file.
